Cherry Ripe

Sweet and Tempting

Raised in a conservative family, I grew up with the mindset of maintaining virginity before marriage. The people I grew up with all go dating without having sex. I guess kisses and gropes are acceptable, but penetrative sex is strictly for married couples. Such view is so strongly ingrained on my head that I even imagined of never having sex before getting my GAY marriage. YuP! I know how weird that sounds.

I'm not that all pure. I do watch porn and masturbate, two things I initially did to make myself a straight guy without success. However, I've never kissed anyone on the lips since puberty, not even with my ex-girlfriend at high school whom I dated to straighten myself.

Down under, I am just shocked to know how laid back people are when it comes to sex. Well, they don't talk about it publicly, but many do it regularly, and casually. And I'm talking about college students, both local and international including those from conservative Asian countries. Those from my country, and church-goers, however, are mostly much like me. Virgins and sexless. Or am I the only one???

Maintaining virginity as a gay was easy when you know no other gay in the village. You simply don't know anyone to do it with. But now that I know quite a few gays from Young&Gay, some of whom are very... desireable and sexually active, the question of to have or not to have becomes frustrating.

(more after the jump)

I keep asking myself questions like,
"What do you maintain your virginity for?",
"Shouldn't you try it with the person before committing the longer run?"
"Are you sure you want to do it with only one person for your whole life?",
"What if gay marriage were never legalised in where I live?"
"What age are you going to get gay-married?"

The last question ("What age are you going to get gay-married?") is pretty easy to answer. I'm going to get gay-married once the following conditions are met:
1. I've met the right person
2. I am ready to commit my whole life with this person
3. I am already capable of living independently from my parents

It doesn't have to be of a certain age. However, I think such conditions would not be met before I reach the age of 25 years old. Moreover, the average age of first marriage of men in developed countries is like 32 years old. Can I stay chaste and sexless for another 10 years? Ohhh... nooo...


The question ("What if gay marriage were never legalised in where I live?") was discussed in a conversation with Dana. He asked me if civil union, or a commitment ceremony would be enough to get before having sex. And I answered "Sure! I believe in substance over form." Commitment ceremony is a wedding. And commitment is essentially marriage, regardless whether the Church or Government recognises it or not (Although I prefer the Gov't to recognise it. Hell may care about what Church thinks).


The question ("Are you sure you want to do it with only one person for your whole life?") is also easy to answer. I think I'll be content with just one person in my life. Hopefully he would be good in all aspects of marriage, including in bed. Hehehehe... And hopefully he would live long enough till I reach men-oh-pause (if there is one for guys), or even surpass my life so I would never need to do it with anyone else.


The question ("Shouldn't you try it with the person before committing the longer run?") is quite interesting. While I agree that sex is not everything in marriage, I think sexual compatibility matters. After all, sex and kids are the things that differentiate marriage from best-friendship.

Can two bottoms be a complementing couple? Or two tops? I think it's possible, and in this whole wide world we might find some of such couples. But I guess either or both should put in extra effort and sacrifice their preference to please the other.

Am I a top, or a bottom? Being a virgin, I can't be too sure about it. Previously I've thought of myself as being a bottom. I was mostly attracted to masculine hunky-muscly dudes. Then lately I've been attracted to prettier, shorter, leaner, and not-as-macho guys who identify as bottoms. With these guys, I imagine being the top. And I can see myself that way.

So what am I? Versatile? I really need to figure out. I can't get married to later know that I don't enjoy the sex. It would have been too late by then. Thus, based on this issue, I should try having sex with both roles before marriage. It would be awesome if both of us enjoy both roles. Our marriage does not have to conform to top-bottom normativity. Should I just look for versatile gay guys?


The first question ("What do you maintain your virginity for?) is the most fundamental question and the hardest to answer. Let me try to list all possible reason that cross to my mind. I had a discussion with Nancy about this.
1. Hygienic reasons
2. Norms and social pressure
3. Emotional attachment

Hygienic reason is a very weak reason to maintain virginity. Most STDs are preventable through the use of condom. On the top of that I've had Hep A&B vaccination and going to get Gardasil.

Norms and social pressure are also not a strong reason either. I know my family would be upset if they know I had casual sex. But they would also be upset to know if their son is gay, which I can't help. So, should I even care about how they would feel? Or should I maintain this goody-goody squeaky clean boy so that they might at least accept that I am gay?

Regarding my friends. Even though I am a virgin until today, I don't mind having sexually active friends. I don't thrash-talk or look down upon them from doing so. On the other side, I strongly dislike people who bad-mouth their sexually active friends. Like sex would harm anyone other than their puny little minds. People who shun others to make themselves feel holy or better persons. Oh Please...

So, I don't really care what my current friends think about me having sex. They should feel free to avoid me cause I don't like being with judgementals and religious narrow-minds. Except my family. Hopefully they are not as narrow as I expect.

Emotional attachment sounds like the most valid reason to keep myself green. I think I would definitely remember and treasure the first things in my life. First home, first job, first car, first kiss, and of course, first 'it'. I really want to have no regret for having my first experience. I want it to be sweet and memorable.

I am also afraid that once I try it, I would enjoy it so much that I become unable to live without sex. Well, it's okay if I have my partner, but what if we break-up? I don't want to start having sex with strangers. I want to keep sex as love-making act, not just oinking-and-boinking (as Nancy said. Hahaha!). I don't want to 'hunt' for another relationship with the aim of getting sex either. That is why marriage is important to me. Because there will be love, commitment, and long-term thinking.


Whew, I sound overly sentimental. I want to see if I would still be holding the same value by next year, or even still be a virgin. ^_^